Oh this is a great one this month from Dr. Susan!  Welcome her back to 3 Boys and a Dog… I hope you find this as useful as I did.   ~Kelli

A Happy Halloween!

Dr. Susan Bartell

As October begins, I get calls and emails from parents about how to manage the less fun aspects of Halloween, such as fears, racy costumes, overloading on candy, and dangerous streets! Therefore, this month’s column is a ‘Halloween How-To Guide’!

Facing Fears

It’s not unusual for children to be afraid on Halloween. The scary costumes, walking in the dark, and glowing jack-o-lanterns can be creepy. To make Halloween enjoyable, it’s important to respect your child’s fear, without overindulging it.

• Ask scary looking neighbors to take off their masks so your child can see the real person behind the costume.
• Trick or treat before dark or stay on well lit streets with a flashlight.
• Only visit homes of people you know—the familiarity will be comforting.
• Avoid scarily decorated homes.
• Walk in a group—friends conquer fears!
• Carve your own jack-o-lantern—this will make them seem less scary.
• Don’t let your child to miss out completely—giving in to fears helps them grow bigger. Anticipatory anxiety is almost always worse than the actual experience, (especially if you follow these steps).

Costume Clashes

Does your child want to dress as a much-too-sexy witch or a punk-rocker carrying a real beer bottle and cigarettes? Have you heard “It’s what everyone is wearing and I’ll be a loser if you don’t let me wear it!”

• Resist the urge to give in to your child’s pressure—it’s a ploy! There w­ill be many other kids dressed age-appropriately.
• It’s a battle worth fighting–when you allow your child to dress in a costume that sends the wrong message (no matter how fictitious or funny the costume seems), you blur the boundaries about what behavior is acceptable to you.

Supervision Success

Has your ten-year old asked to trick or treat with friends, with no parental supervision? What about your twelve-year old? How do you know the right time to allow this?

• Thirteen-years old is the youngest age at which I recommend allowing unsupervised trick or treating. Halloween can be dangerous for the inexperienced. Children traveling—even in a group—may not know how to negotiate drunk teens, running across the street safely in the dark, or unfriendly welcomes from homeowners or pets.
• From 11-years old, allow a little independence by walking behind your group of kids to let them ‘feel’ independent, while still being there should they need you. Children under 11-years old should be fully supervised.

Sugar Shock

Your successful little trick or treater comes home with a HUGE pile of candy and begins digging in immediately.

“Stop! You can’t eat all that candy.”

“Why not?” responds your little angel. “It’s mine, I want to eat it!”

What is the best way to manage a year’s supply of sweets to avoid weight gain, sugar overload, and a bad case of “it’s mine, I’ll do what I want!”

• Sort through the bag, throwing out unwrapped pieces and any candy your child doesn’t like.
• Allow your child to eat several pieces of candy on Halloween night then take the bag away.
• Allow one or two small pieces a day (maximum) in place of your child’s regular ‘junk food’ snack. Candy should not replace a healthy snack, but can be a small addition to it.
• After a few weeks, it is likely that the novelty will wear off and you will be able to gradually stop doling out Halloween candy as a snack.
• Resist the urge to use it (or any food) as a reward for good behavior.

Dr. Susan Bartell America’s #1 family psychologist . Her latest book is The Top 50 Questions Kids Ask. You can learn more about Dr. Bartell at www.drsusanbartell.com